2009 – December 1 (Will be laying a new floor)

  • Tomorrow, I will be laying a new floor for my wife to keep clean.
  • You know you are in a solid relationship when moles and skin tags are no longer gross; instead they are an intricate part of your love life.
  • Stupidity is even more dangerous than car surfing.
  • I will not pass judgement if you have sex with chicken broth.
  • Not having arms and genitalia would help keep many people from sinning.
  • Bejeweled 2 is for people who no longer find it exciting to secretly shit on their neighbour’s lawn.
  • My four-year-old has never beaten me in Jenga or arm wrestling.
  • This morning I was happy to discover that the ‘burning engine’ smell in my car was just the McDonald’s breakfast garbage from last week.
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