- Tomorrow, I will be laying a new floor for my wife to keep clean.
- You know you are in a solid relationship when moles and skin tags are no longer gross; instead they are an intricate part of your love life.
- Stupidity is even more dangerous than car surfing.
- I will not pass judgement if you have sex with chicken broth.
- Not having arms and genitalia would help keep many people from sinning.
- Bejeweled 2 is for people who no longer find it exciting to secretly shit on their neighbour’s lawn.
- My four-year-old has never beaten me in Jenga or arm wrestling.
- This morning I was happy to discover that the ‘burning engine’ smell in my car was just the McDonald’s breakfast garbage from last week.
