- You know your girlfriend is a skank when the LA Lakers bench does the wave after her face is displayed on the Jumbotron.
- It’s not a sport if you sweat more when questioned for rape than when actually playing the game.
- The thing I find most fascinating about Rosie O’Donnell is that she is able to walk with a minimal wobble.
- Pizzeria prayer: Lord, please make sure the extra cheese, really is extra cheese… and no chest and pit hairs in the box this time. Amen.
- I had a Swedish pervert call the house last night, asking if he can clean out my wife’s Volvo.
- Today, I’m grateful I have never accidentally sat down on a hedge trimmer.
