2009 – November 29 (Listening and spell checking)

  • Ok. I spelled the Grey Cup wrong in my rush to get out the door… Still, thank you for listening and spell checking, God.
  • God, if the Montreal Alouettes don’t win the Gray Cup tonight, I will kill random wildlife. Their lives are in your hands! BeerHaze out!
  • BeerHaze Mixed emotions: Being forcefully licked by your dog while trying to make sweet love to your woman.
  • Even PETA would love to see me club a baby dragon.
  • Thinking about pink ponies being napalmed while snoozing in a beautiful pasture doesn’t help Charles Manson from ejaculating prematurely.
  • A horrible skin condition is always one of the side effects of being bitten by a zombie or Larry King.
  • I dare anyone to place their genitalia between the teeth of a leprechaun and then repeatedly hitting it over the head with a beer bottle.
  • I can now confirm that it’s impossible to light your farts using only flint or static electricity.
  • Stereotype: The type of woman who works in the adult film industry.
  • Today I discovered that you are more likely to get laid if you drive a Ferrari than play the accordion.
  • Statistically, three or four people on Twitter grew up torturing small animals.
  • Happiness: Being one of the people who don’t bathe and groom Nick Nolte.
  • Pearl Harbor was a shocker. So was all the freaky stuff I discovered Japanese women do on late night cable.
  • You need cojones to make more Mexicans.
  • Friends: People who are nice enough to share your sad and pathetic interests.
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