- Ok. I spelled the Grey Cup wrong in my rush to get out the door… Still, thank you for listening and spell checking, God.
- God, if the Montreal Alouettes don’t win the Gray Cup tonight, I will kill random wildlife. Their lives are in your hands! BeerHaze out!
- BeerHaze Mixed emotions: Being forcefully licked by your dog while trying to make sweet love to your woman.
- Even PETA would love to see me club a baby dragon.
- Thinking about pink ponies being napalmed while snoozing in a beautiful pasture doesn’t help Charles Manson from ejaculating prematurely.
- A horrible skin condition is always one of the side effects of being bitten by a zombie or Larry King.
- I dare anyone to place their genitalia between the teeth of a leprechaun and then repeatedly hitting it over the head with a beer bottle.
- I can now confirm that it’s impossible to light your farts using only flint or static electricity.
- Stereotype: The type of woman who works in the adult film industry.
- Today I discovered that you are more likely to get laid if you drive a Ferrari than play the accordion.
- Statistically, three or four people on Twitter grew up torturing small animals.
- Happiness: Being one of the people who don’t bathe and groom Nick Nolte.
- Pearl Harbor was a shocker. So was all the freaky stuff I discovered Japanese women do on late night cable.
- You need cojones to make more Mexicans.
- Friends: People who are nice enough to share your sad and pathetic interests.
