- My backup computer won’t fire up… *sigh* The only way this Monday could get any worse is if Adam Lambert farted in my face.
- The new $200,000+ Mercedes CL65 AMG… 615 hp… 7 airbags… German Engineering for the discerning douche bag.
- Hurry! Grab another beer… There’s still time for you to miss Dancing With The Stars.
- Tip for pervs: If you get off to heavy breathing, call the Weight Watchers hotline – it’s free!
- Me: “Kissing is like eating spaghetti with meat sauce, but not as messy (unless you want it to be.)” Daughter: “Ewww!” Mission accomplished!
- Seriously, I have to admit, I just got bored… and tried to shave by balls with a scythe. Tip! Balls + Scythe = not a way to cure boredom.
- Sorry! I haven’t tweeted for a while; on Easter Sunday, I ended up in a wheelchair after I discovered something I call “Internet porn”
