- Today is ‘Find Out What The People At OnStar Are Wearing Day’. Don’t by shy now – hit that button, it’s ok!
- With some luck, I will miss a total of 2,430 Major League Baseball games again this year.
- After sex, there’s just no right way to say, “There’s blood on the sheets… I think I need to cut my toenails.”
- Don’t you hate it when you are just about to fall asleep, and your wife yells something stupid like, “WATCH OUT! PEDESTRIAN!”
- I have a reoccurring nightmare where I’m Lindsay Lohan, and I’m touching myself, and then I wake up touching myself – and then I wake up!
