- My 4-year-old (as I was stepping in to the shower): “Daddy, your penis is huge!” Me: “Son, it’s all rela… Tell your friends’ mommies!”
- Summer highlights: Nude sunbathing and nipple-play by our neighbour, who thinks she becomes invisible when she puts a towel over her face.
- The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not do anything that sounds like the birth of a seal pup, in the toilet stall next to thy neighbour.
- Wednesday’s lunch plans: (1) Borrow my boss’ car. (2) “Accidentally” hit OnStar. (3) Pretend to have sex with a shoe.
- It’s fascinating watching 4-year-old’s at play: sticks become swords, park benches become pirate ships and dead pigeons become hats.
- The best trick to avoid bear attacks is to avoid berry patches, shallow streams with fish, animal cadavers, or simply travel to Cuba.
- Five bucks says that in this very moment, Sarah Palin is not reading a book.
