- Lick the insides of a raw salmon. Bucket list #9 ☑
- Just a heads-up as we are getting close! For Mother’s Day, don’t forget to tell her how much we love that crazy shit she does with her gums.
- “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine!” I have finely manicured nails – the hobo had claws. Win!
- I could be cool too, if only nipple rings came as clip-ons.
- If I magically grew a new set of balls – I could simply demand that my wife shuts up and gets naked. Well, at least once.
- I don’t know why it is, but whenever I drive by a church, I involuntarily clench my butt cheeks so hard that I can hear angels singing.
- Son in his sleep: “Kill that fucking dragon!” I jump up – can’t find a fucking sword! Mental note: “Bad words lecture in the morning.”
