- You spend 17.5 seconds on the perfect Tweet and you are ignored… Post a side-note about anal warts on FB – everyone is asking when?
- 15 years ago: Women honked and yelled: “Nice bulge!” Yesterday: “Leave that kid alone and get a fucking shirt on!” And my son cried with me.
- Since I joined Twitter 5 or so months ago, I can no longer gargle anything, and I dream about moms and unicorns. Thanks a lot Twitter!
- Yes, I think Sylvester Stallone is awesome too, but only because he built all the pyramids.
- Dudes, keep your mouths shut for at least 5 minutes after sex or you could end up married, or worse, wearing matching sweat pants in public.
- Jesus, if I haven’t mentioned it before, remember to thank your dad for lady butt in Spandex. It’s his most brilliant idea to date. Amen.
