- Thisis myy first tweeeet from my froendss iPad. It loojs nice, but th typin suks, and the battery low quickly so I hope to post befor it di
- Pro tip! When creating a password for your website, don’t use: ‘thevaginabeardofbradpitt’ – that password has been compromised.
- True story: My website was hacked last night; it was redirecting to a porn site. First, I was like: FUUUuK! Then: Fuck, this is great stuff!
- Yes, we are cooking a turkey today because the in-laws are in town… Once they hit the road – 12 lbs. of prime rib will go in the smoker.
- Devil’s mud chute will be busy come 6 pm because turkey gravy was originality intended to be used as a brutal laxative in honour of Jesus.
- Tip for single women! Men are everywhere; it’s like a plague… To catch the plague, you just have to keep leaving your house every day.
- My Puss in Boots voiceover work showed my depth; people no longer see me as an uptight asshole with no connection to real life. – Anonymous.
