2010 – April 30 (An engagement ring the size of a baseball)

  • How to ask for, and score an engagement ring the size of a baseball: “Could we invite some of my girlfriends and go at it like gremlins?”
  • A hormonal daughter’s birthday party today and an aunt’s funeral out of town tomorrow… God farts in my face again.
  • It took me 26 years but I finally checked it out, and my suspicions were correct, doves don’t have tear ducts, and Prince is full of shit.
  • I did a dating compatibility test and was paired me up with a doctor in an organ donor clinic in Mexico. Yes, he has beer! Thanks, eHarmony.
  • Confessions: When my wife’s friends are coming over, I always leave out the book “Mythology of the Americas” to look less dork-ish.
  • My heart aches every time I hear the words ‘Canada’, ‘enema’ and ‘Nickelback’ in the same sentence.
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