2010 – August 16 (Things that can never be unseen)

  • Things that can never be unseen: (1) Death. (2) Birth. (3) Errol Flynn in a Robin Hood costume.
  • I think I would make one hell of a Pope.
  • I wonder if people used to crap in each other’s cornfields before neighbours with manicured lawns and rose bushes?
  • Cooking tip: You can easily turn couscous in to real food by adding bacon.
  • #WhatWouldYouTellYour18YearOldSelf “Skip the girl in the purple tank top because she smells like questionable deli meats.”
  • Adam gave up one of his ribs to get laid… Luckily, that doesn’t work anymore or guys would be walking around with some freaky postures.
  • In this minute, someone, somewhere, is getting a crappy Elvis tattoo done on their butt. So, yeah, your Monday is brilliant in comparison.
  • Perspective: Some people see a majestic gorilla where others see a souvenir ashtray.
  • “Hey! Everyone, check this out!” Words not uttered by slaves laying the first stone of any pyramid. Ever.
  • I have perfected a vibrator that shrivels up in the last magical 5.3 seconds. Guys? Put in your orders now – and reap the rewards. DM me!
  • Monday! Late again… Thank you for the #FF’s and love – much appreciated and all noted and tucked away in a place where it’s not forgotten.
  • Matching Crocs, blue eyes, and blonde hair with your 5-year-old works wonders with women… Kids are freakin’ expensive though!
  • Screaming, “Hitler and the Nazi Party are in a disarray!” when nudged at parties tells everyone that you fall asleep to the History Channel.
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