- Things that can never be unseen: (1) Death. (2) Birth. (3) Errol Flynn in a Robin Hood costume.
- I think I would make one hell of a Pope.
- I wonder if people used to crap in each other’s cornfields before neighbours with manicured lawns and rose bushes?
- Cooking tip: You can easily turn couscous in to real food by adding bacon.
- #WhatWouldYouTellYour18YearOldSelf “Skip the girl in the purple tank top because she smells like questionable deli meats.”
- Adam gave up one of his ribs to get laid… Luckily, that doesn’t work anymore or guys would be walking around with some freaky postures.
- In this minute, someone, somewhere, is getting a crappy Elvis tattoo done on their butt. So, yeah, your Monday is brilliant in comparison.
- Perspective: Some people see a majestic gorilla where others see a souvenir ashtray.
- “Hey! Everyone, check this out!” Words not uttered by slaves laying the first stone of any pyramid. Ever.
- I have perfected a vibrator that shrivels up in the last magical 5.3 seconds. Guys? Put in your orders now – and reap the rewards. DM me!
- Monday! Late again… Thank you for the #FF’s and love – much appreciated and all noted and tucked away in a place where it’s not forgotten.
- Matching Crocs, blue eyes, and blonde hair with your 5-year-old works wonders with women… Kids are freakin’ expensive though!
- Screaming, “Hitler and the Nazi Party are in a disarray!” when nudged at parties tells everyone that you fall asleep to the History Channel.
