- Anniversary number 14… Seriously, she has been great for me. I no longer have any white socks, sweat pants, novelty t-shirts or balls.
- Win… What a wedding anniversary evening! Now what? Any conscious women out there? I’m on a roll! I just need to rezzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz.
- Twitter: “Are those really your boobies?” Facebook: “Is your mom still drunk at Denny’s?” Don’t say it – will piss the guy off!
- Wedding anniversary… seafood goodness… wine (in bottles!) Yes, I will get laid unless she hears the kids’ muffled cries from the garage.
- No matter the price, I wouldn’t hesitate to whip out the Visa to buy myself a photorealistic 3D kite that looks like a grand piano.
- You know you are in a bad strip club when none of the girls lie about attending med school and instead trumpet their love for bowling.
- I played ping-pong for the first time in over a decade today. I was unbeatable! One of my mother-in-law’s friends even broke a hip. Booyah!
