2010 – August 31 (Slow painful death)

  • Death is my biggest fear when it comes to autoerotic asphyxiation… a slow painful death for ruining one of my wife’s stockings.
  • It’s not complicated… People who can’t find happiness need to get married, and see their spouses take the kids camping for the weekend.
  • “Do you think I’m fat?” is a question all men dread to hear… and not only in the prison showers.
  • Wife: “Your zipper is open.” Right reply: “Oh.” Wrong reply: “Oh, well, it’s not like I was watching porn while you mowed the lawn.”
  • You know your sex life needs a little spicing up when you reach around and grab a boob with one hand, and check her pulse with the other.
  • Wearing a bra is optional when bending down to pet my dog. Also, when you extend your leg in front of him, I will hump it. Get over it.
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