- Electricity gives me POWER man imma house AT HOME! – Kanye Beerhaze
- It’s only 11:30 and I’m already missing words and inventing new ones. The whisky isn’t even out yet! It’s going to be a long dirty night…
- It has never been mentioned during Shark Week but I assume shitting yourself when you see a fin will not ruin the shark’s appetitive?
- I always turn off the lava lamp in the bedroom when having sex because it detracts from the sports news.
- I just saw an oiled-up Charlize Theron on a stripper pole and she asked me to join her! I told her I was married – then I woke up sobbing…
- I doubt “The Birds and the Bees” for my daughters… However, “Remember the rottweiler and the pomeranian in the park?” Should work wonders!
- 5-year-old screaming: “Look! That lady is wearing fur underwear!” Took me hours navigating our beach chairs to that spot… Stupid kid.
