- Dogs, cats, horses, cows, goats… love me. It’s like I’m George Clooney in a Jersey Shore strip club – they are all over me. And I shower!
- Doggy-sitting a friend’s beagle for a few days because nobody else would. He loves me! I am the ‘Dog Whisperer’… with bacon in my shoes.
- There are no Twitter ‘More like’ recommendations for the Dalai Lama. What’s that about? Highlander – there can be only one, shit? Ohhh…
- Everything you will ever need is found in the camping aisle at Walmart if you are a serial killer.
- You have not lived until you have made sweaty, smelly-for-miles, love on top of a deer carcass in Alaskan bear country. You should try it.
- Chlamydophila C. caviae sounds bad, eh? It may cause blindness! It gets worse… It’s only found in guinea pigs. Explain that to your wife.
- The object of my frothy desires is ready for me, hot, pink and glistening in juices. I just need to fluff my wasabi mayo, and a steak knife.
