2010 – August 8 (Cool dude with an enormous man-carrot)

  • Ladies, I know you all think I’m this cool dude with an enormous man-carrot in my pants but the truth is that I’m afraid of bees.
  • Sensual (adj.) Doing his best to hide the fact that his manhood is in a precarious state. (The Favstar version.)
  • Sensual (adj.) Doing his best to hide a raging hard-on. You are welcome ladies.
  • Typos… It’s such stress now that vodka is needed before hitting the tweet button, and my spelling is getting worse. Tweeting is expensive.
  • Wooden mallets, telescopic batons, baseball bats, and hatred, with them all problems can be solved. – Dalai Beerhaze
  • I am awake and ready to star the crap out of you. Amuse me.
  • Getting the bra on is easy… A slam of the door and then getting it off in a hurry, now, that’s where quality clasps come in to play.
  • Ever been so high you broke in to every wall in your house at 5 AM to fix the plumbing with a ping-pong paddle. No? So, shut the fuck up!
  • Dogs, cats, horses, cows, goats… love me. It’s like I’m George Clooney in a Jersey Shore strip club – they are all over me. AND I shower!
  • Doggy-sitting a friend’s beagle for a few days because nobody else would. He loves me! I am the ‘Dog Whisperer’… with bacon in my shoes.
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