2010 – December 1 (Braces in for two days)

  • My teenage daughter has had her braces in for two days now… She’s in agony. Not eating. Not talking. It’s a fucking brilliant invention!
  • My 5-year-old is home sick. He’s not whining though, which is nice. Yes, he’s still trying to get out of the gag but quietly.
  • Me: Wet Golden Retriever puppy sleeping on my feet… You: Three wet contortionists in your jacuzzi. I win at cute! That’s something…
  • Crap! You, still up? I took the pup out for a pee and thought I would check in… Okay! Got me – porn for 5 hours and I was getting sore.
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