- Ladies, your patterned stockings… The ones that look really sexy up close? Well, from a distance they look like varicose veins. Welcome!
- It was all fun and games until grandpa teabagged the belt sander.
- Happy New Year! Too soon?
- Vodka 80 proof… 40% mind-blowing goodness, 60% false promises.
- Considered Twittercide but I’m afraid you will just carry on as nothing of importance happened! LOLJK! Too drunk to find the delete button.
- Today at BK when waiting in line – smell! No, you are not sure if you smell burgers or the B.O. of the guys in front of you… Enjoy!
- Wearing Dora The Explorer panties… and her face looks horribly swollen on one side.
- Last night, wife sent me to Walmart to buy a DVD… I went. There was a pizza joint, pub and strip club next doors. Most expensive DVD ever!
