- My hands are so soft tonight… How come that is not a thing? If I spanked you, it would be like your butt was kissed by crying angels.
- Feeding my wife some Polish sausage tonight! No, sadly, I’m not Polish.
- I couldn’t find the Glee Season 2 Volume 4 CD… I got her Yoko Ono’s Greatest Hits instead. My daughter will be so surprised!
- It’s a – “Be in bed by 8:30 because that’s when the soul-sucking demons living inside our basement walls come out.” – kind of a night…
- The closest I have ever come to being involved in a threesome was when having sex with a ventriloquist. I was stoned and very confused.
- I have considered asking Santa for nipple rings but I’m afraid they might impede my ability to crawl naked through dense underbrush.
