- It’s a fact! In Texas, more people have died choking on aquarium fish than in drunken snowmobile accidents.
- Today is Groundhog Day! Remember to share a laugh with the bug-eyed usher at your local movie theatre. It’s tradition.
- Werewolves can lick their own balls – vampires cannot. Team Jacob simply makes more sense.
- Because of a horrible translation job of the Monopoly rules for the Japanese market, we now have bukkake. Thanks a lot Parker Bros!
- I am grateful that I have never met the master of ceremonies of Sing Sing prison showers.
- In my spare time, I teach hobos how to fold portable mansions out of cardboard.
- It would be quite distracting going to sleep, knowing that all the people in the world are jumping up and down at the same time.
- Minor risk: When nobody knows the purpose of the red blinking light discovered during a space shuttle pre-flight check.
- I have a dream… Bacon jello shots and printer ink that’s cheaper than heroin.
- Apple dildo: It runs out of batteries just before you get the job done and you have to pay a premium for those crucial extra two inches.
- You know it’s time for a trim when you get your pubes caught in the zipper, every time you put your coat on.
