2010 – February 2 (Died choking on aquarium fish)

  • It’s a fact! In Texas, more people have died choking on aquarium fish than in drunken snowmobile accidents.
  • Today is Groundhog Day! Remember to share a laugh with the bug-eyed usher at your local movie theatre. It’s tradition.
  • Werewolves can lick their own balls – vampires cannot. Team Jacob simply makes more sense.
  • Because of a horrible translation job of the Monopoly rules for the Japanese market, we now have bukkake. Thanks a lot Parker Bros!
  • I am grateful that I have never met the master of ceremonies of Sing Sing prison showers.
  • In my spare time, I teach hobos how to fold portable mansions out of cardboard.
  • It would be quite distracting going to sleep, knowing that all the people in the world are jumping up and down at the same time.
  • Minor risk: When nobody knows the purpose of the red blinking light discovered during a space shuttle pre-flight check.
  • I have a dream… Bacon jello shots and printer ink that’s cheaper than heroin.
  • Apple dildo: It runs out of batteries just before you get the job done and you have to pay a premium for those crucial extra two inches.
  • You know it’s time for a trim when you get your pubes caught in the zipper, every time you put your coat on.
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