2010 – February 21 (Easy solution to a hard problem)

  • Porn is an easy solution to a hard problem.
  • What all your ex-girlfriends have told about you: “He was hung like a toy poodle and asked to be called Erica when slow dancing.”
  • Modern forensics has proven that Napoleon Bonaparte did not accidentally eat arsenic with a spoon and fall on a pitchfork for 27 times.
  • Dating tip: Impress her by juggling fruit in the grocery store (Good). Impress her by juggling guinea pigs in the pet store (Bad).
  • How to tell if your GF has cheated on you: She is sweaty, smelly and panting like a dog. She might also be naked and handcuffed to the bed.
  • I hate the passionate screams of our German neighbours. I only tolerate it because I have a nice view from the birdbath in their backyard.
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