- Big Bang Theory explained to a 10-year-old: A huge fart, which expands in to existence rapidly, producing solids from seemingly nowhere.
- I’m a hopeless romantic, not ashamed to admit that. Once a month, I even write my wife a poem about her ill-timed menstrual cramps.
- Erectile Dysfunction: Exercise helps… So does Viagra… She being on another continent helps too…
- I wish I had the courage to ask the wife to tug on my penis while I do yoga but I’m afraid it might blow up in my face.
- Bad news: “Well, the good news is that you will from this day on be able to lick you own back.”
- Sony Home Entertainment Systems – ‘Because you can’t see people flick boogers in the dark.’ ™
- Doctors are reporting that Tiger Woods’ sex rehab is progressing slowly, due to continues technical problems with his mechanical bull.
- Unfollowing someone because of a Jesus joke is as pathetic as a hormonal 12-year-old breaking up with an imaginary boyfriend on Facebook.
- I will believe in Jesus the day my wife ends up in prison and big-breasted, slutty triplets move in next door.
- U.S. studies on inbreeding are in fact done in Alaska (not in the South). No, Sarah Palin is not inbred – eating yellow snow is her hobby.
- 100 lbs. is not a healthy weight for an adult female of the human species… It’s the weight of beef bought wholesale for a family of four.
- Flatter him: “Alpha male doesn’t even come close… I think you could have a life-sized license plate tattooed on your penis!”
- The comment: “The fat lazy bastard drank 23 bottles of beer again today” will be a thing of the past with a 500-gallon keg in the basement.
