2010 – February 27 (Big Bang Theory explained)

  • Big Bang Theory explained to a 10-year-old: A huge fart, which expands in to existence rapidly, producing solids from seemingly nowhere.
  • I’m a hopeless romantic, not ashamed to admit that. Once a month, I even write my wife a poem about her ill-timed menstrual cramps.
  • Erectile Dysfunction: Exercise helps… So does Viagra… She being on another continent helps too…
  • I wish I had the courage to ask the wife to tug on my penis while I do yoga but I’m afraid it might blow up in my face.
  • Bad news: “Well, the good news is that you will from this day on be able to lick you own back.”
  • Sony Home Entertainment Systems – ‘Because you can’t see people flick boogers in the dark.’ ™
  • Doctors are reporting that Tiger Woods’ sex rehab is progressing slowly, due to continues technical problems with his mechanical bull.
  • Unfollowing someone because of a Jesus joke is as pathetic as a hormonal 12-year-old breaking up with an imaginary boyfriend on Facebook.
  • I will believe in Jesus the day my wife ends up in prison and big-breasted, slutty triplets move in next door.
  • U.S. studies on inbreeding are in fact done in Alaska (not in the South). No, Sarah Palin is not inbred – eating yellow snow is her hobby.
  • 100 lbs. is not a healthy weight for an adult female of the human species… It’s the weight of beef bought wholesale for a family of four.
  • Flatter him: “Alpha male doesn’t even come close… I think you could have a life-sized license plate tattooed on your penis!”
  • The comment: “The fat lazy bastard drank 23 bottles of beer again today” will be a thing of the past with a 500-gallon keg in the basement.
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