- In the movie business, it’s important to have a spine or you will be crawling a lot of vomit stained red carpets.
- You can’t buy love or a nice bowel movement but hiring a hooker to give you an enema is not too shabby.
- Every day I thank Christ the Lord for beer and… beer and fried chicken. Oh, and nose hair trimmers, toilet paper and good quality socks.
- Never jump in to a gorilla cage if you are covered in bananas.
- Life is like kicking a pitbull in the nuts: You never know what you’re gonna’ get. – Michael Vick
- Dudes dating my daughters had better have big dicks as I have arthritis in both my hands, which makes gripping and cutting an arduous task.
- Put your trust in Jesus – French kiss a leper!
- Spontaneous advice from On-Star: Load your camera! There’s a charity bikini car wash for only a buck-twenty-five up ahead!
- Lesbian cruises… Do they have cheap standby tickets for dudes that just want to eat ribs and watch?
