2010 – February 4 (Ignored in the prison showers)

  • Oh, God! Another few hours to Follow Friday… The pain and humiliation… Worse than being a virgin ignored in the prison showers.
  • I don’t know why that is, but my hands feel so much softer when my wife is on her period.
  • I caught myself singing along to a Lady Gaga song, and I threw up in my mouth a little bit. I feel so dirty…
  • If you secretly shove 49 Nerf darts in to somebody’s ass, does airport security dig them out, or do they wait for nature to give a hand?
  • I got a ticket for running a red light. I called the cop a ‘Syphilitic MILF’ and thanked him for his meticulousness. I love French-Canada.
  • Happy 6th. birthday Facebook! You have now matured in to that clingy snot-faced brat we all hated as kids.
  • If you can do it yourself, you shouldn’t need to pay other people to do if for you! That applies to everything from handjobs to haircuts.
  • I felt much closer to God back when I used to volunteer as an altar boy, because our priest was all in to sexual asphyxia.
  • Since joining Twitter a couple of months ago, I get off while thinking of rotting corpses of motivational speakers and coaches.
  • Footwear that can pass through a crocs digestive system without damage should not be worn in public even though comfy and colourful.
  • This morning, I found my wife’s old breast pump. Looking at her tits it’s easy to tell that she stopped using it 12 years ago.
  • Finally, pedestrians are staying on the sidewalks. Thank you Toyota!
  • Tiger Woods update: He hasn’t been fucking hit with a golf club in over two months.
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