- Oh, God! Another few hours to Follow Friday… The pain and humiliation… Worse than being a virgin ignored in the prison showers.
- I don’t know why that is, but my hands feel so much softer when my wife is on her period.
- I caught myself singing along to a Lady Gaga song, and I threw up in my mouth a little bit. I feel so dirty…
- If you secretly shove 49 Nerf darts in to somebody’s ass, does airport security dig them out, or do they wait for nature to give a hand?
- I got a ticket for running a red light. I called the cop a ‘Syphilitic MILF’ and thanked him for his meticulousness. I love French-Canada.
- Happy 6th. birthday Facebook! You have now matured in to that clingy snot-faced brat we all hated as kids.
- If you can do it yourself, you shouldn’t need to pay other people to do if for you! That applies to everything from handjobs to haircuts.
- I felt much closer to God back when I used to volunteer as an altar boy, because our priest was all in to sexual asphyxia.
- Since joining Twitter a couple of months ago, I get off while thinking of rotting corpses of motivational speakers and coaches.
- Footwear that can pass through a crocs digestive system without damage should not be worn in public even though comfy and colourful.
- This morning, I found my wife’s old breast pump. Looking at her tits it’s easy to tell that she stopped using it 12 years ago.
- Finally, pedestrians are staying on the sidewalks. Thank you Toyota!
- Tiger Woods update: He hasn’t been fucking hit with a golf club in over two months.
