- I would rather suck on the men’s golf tour than work as a truck stop prostitute.
- When life hands you lemons, you can always squeeze my balls.
- I see tits when I sleep. I also look at tits when my wife sleeps.
- Happiness is a state of mind. Joy is a state of heart. Erection is a state of the penis. It’s all good.
- My New Year’s resolution: I promised my wife I would never take up wearing chainmaille or Carrot Top wigs. I refuse to make 2010 a failiure.
- The only thing worse than having a nymphomaniac daughter is to have a nymphomaniac daughter who is only interested foosball players.
