2010 – January 1 (Suck on the men’s golf tour)

  • I would rather suck on the men’s golf tour than work as a truck stop prostitute.
  • When life hands you lemons, you can always squeeze my balls.
  • I see tits when I sleep. I also look at tits when my wife sleeps.
  • Happiness is a state of mind. Joy is a state of heart. Erection is a state of the penis. It’s all good.
  • My New Year’s resolution: I promised my wife I would never take up wearing chainmaille or Carrot Top wigs. I refuse to make 2010 a failiure.
  • The only thing worse than having a nymphomaniac daughter is to have a nymphomaniac daughter who is only interested foosball players.
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