2010 – July 14 (My toe hurts like hell)

  • My toe hurts like hell! The pain ceases and I have to wiggle it to see if it’s better – Bam! pain is back. It’s been going on for hours now.
  • I had a screaming fit nightmare and woke up the whole house. The kids are sobbing and asking their mom questions about Amy Winehouse.
  • Fractured toe, sprained ankle and bruised ego. The cost? $14.00 in peanuts from the E.R. vending machine. Outrageous! #Universal HealthCare
  • Seriously! A fractured toe and I get no pills for it? Cheap bastards! All I received was a half a roll of tape. #Universal HealthCare
  • People, I sprained an ankle and fractured a toe shooting hoops – while sober! Related: The Dalai Lama is a witch with his karma shit.
  • “Lie down on the bed – it’s really swollen.” would have sounded sexier, had my wife not also said, “How are you getting the shoe off?”
  • Which team of drug addicts, rapists and tax evaders won the All-Star Game last night? #MLB
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