- Larry King’s wife has now reportedly moved on… to beef jerky.
- My head is pounding. I figure I should go down the street and wait for a Molson beer truck. Jumping in front of it should cure my hangover.
- Good morning! From the look of it, I cooked something in the oven last night. I hope it tasted better than my mouth does right now.
- A few minutes ago, I panicked thinking I had started lactating but on closer inspection, it turns out to be drool. Tweet or shot? Choices…
- Sponsored tweet: ‘My toe doesn’t hurt no more! Now, I just need a flashlight so I can find the trampoline in the backyard.’ (Grey Goose)
- People, have you ever thought you were thinking out loud and before you know it – it’s on Twitter? Yeah, I know… damned technology.
- There! Shots… The Grey Goose is chillin’. One thing is for damned sure. I ain’t getting laid tonight. If I make it to the couch – treat!
- Fuck this! I’m breaking out the Grey Goose. I apologize for any inappropriate DMs and dated Ally McBeal jokes, in advance.
