2010 – July 17 (A hopeless romantic)

  • A hopeless romantic is someone who accidentally makes the bed squeak too much before the kids are sound asleep, right?
  • Pandora’s box contained all the evils of the word because ouzo made it impossible to keep her legs closed. – Zeus Beerhaze
  • Roses are grey, Violets are grey but I have boner, yes, I bought Viagra from the guy down at the corner.
  • Girlfriend: She steals your heart… Not a girlfriend: She steals your wallet and a kidney before discreetly exiting your hotel room…
  • I love cleaning the garage with the kids because their nimble bodies easily squeeze in to tight places where rusty nails are hiding.
  • That last scrumptious bite of my Sausage Egg McMuffin would not now sit in dog hair on the floor if I have had double D’s.
  • There’s nothing I hate more than misspelled tattoos… Except perhaps face tattoos, prison tattoos and stepping in cat shit.
  • Good morning! I’m feeling good. Tip: Guys, it doesn’t matter which one of the ‘Yours and Mine K-Y’ couples’ lubricants go in the hand.
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