2010 – July 4 (Before you set off the fireworks)

  • America, remember the count before you set off the fireworks. It’s not 4 and 2… It’s five fingers on each hand!
  • Tip! If serving BBQ’d corn with your steaks – do not suggest a dad’s farting contest in the pool after the meal. Children will be crying.
  • Tomorrow, July 5th: Venezuela’s Independence Day. Honouring that day by drinking even more beer and not shaving my back.
  • I’m celebrating 4th of July by smoking ribs and brisket. Beer. Not peeing in the shallow end of the pool. More beer.
  • What you rarely hear cowboys say: “Son, a real cowboy lactates and breastfeeds his own horse.”
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