- I think I’m drunk because the rug burns from crawling back and forth to the beer fridge should be killing me by now.
- It’s peaceful listening to a teenager’s quiet sobs of regret. Especially when accompanied by an Elvis gospel song.
- She laughed when grounded… but she has yet to discover that all her iPod contains is Elvis Presley music. iTunes password changed. I win!
- Only 143 days to eggnog season! Yes, let it all out! Hang on to that toilet. There you go… You’ll feel better in a bit. You are welcome!
- What? You are unfollowing me for a tweet about kittens? I don’t even think they are dead. Yet.
- Ok, now I’m pissed! Who of you crapped in my pool last night? Wait… Oh, never mind, the floaters seem to be kittens. Never mind.
- Negative thought patterns will not make lost fingers grow back. Explore new patterns, especially in finger painting. – Dalai Beerhaze
