2010 – July 9 (Attacked by a pack of rabid chimps)

  • The first 4,593 lucky people to star this tweet will never be attacked by a pack of rabid chimps. Good karma provided by an actual lhama!
  • My 5-year-old is reading books. My youngest daughter is making cookies. The teenager isn’t pregnant. Yeah, life is good in this very minute.
  • I just discovered that Astroglide makes the burn blisters on the palm of my hand hurt something fierce. Kinky!
  • I had an explosive grease fire on the BBQ… Had I not been right there, I would be on the news now. The good? My wife says I need a drink.
  • The heat wave is unrelentless and make you feel all disgusting – like meeting up with your mom at a Super 8. I know, those hotels are gross.
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