2010 – June 12 (England tattoo on my chest)

  • People assume I’m a soccer fan because of an England tattoo on my chest. No! Vacation. Drunk. She was from Southampton. Huge tits. Worth it.
  • The #WorldCup as background noise on the TV is awesome! I can’t hear the dog licking his balls so, I can actually get some tweeting done.
  • I spent 90 minutes jerking off to porn. What did you do? I win! #WorldCup
  • Those horns hide the screams of the poor guys being raped in the men’s room. #WorldCup
  • #WorldCup: “Johnson has to change his shirt because there is a drip of blood on it.” #NHL: “Johnson made a necklace out of his teeth.”
  • If England doesn’t beat the United States., the rematch should be on a gridiron. Their best players against Girl Guides from NYC. #WorldCup
  • I dreamt I grabbed Lady Gaga’s butt with both hands, and I went in for the kiss, but our junk touched so, we made it a soccer hug instead…
  • I’m wearing my South Park underwear and right now, in this minute, Kenny looks much fatter than Cartman. Ladies?
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