2010 – June 18 (Like a French tickler)

  • French ticker? Okay, it’s like a French tickler but only spruced up for HIS pleasure. Well, it is now… Stupid typos… Mind the farts!
  • Fart at the urinals and I will tell your date that you didn’t wash your hands and that you bought a French ticker. You have been warned!
  • My 5th-grader: “How many zeros in a million?” My 5-year-old: “Six of course! S-I-X.” Related: It’s the first ones you drop on their heads.
  • Father’s Day is coming up and I haven’t yet decided what I’m cooking for dinner or how I’m doing my wife for dessert. She’s getting anxious.
  • I hit a squirrel when driving my daughter and boyfriend to the pool. Now she’s in a horribly pissy mood. Her boyfriend looks deflated. Win!
  • Last night, I dreamt I was covered in powdered sugar and chased by a herd of Kirstie Alleys. Their eyes… AND I woke up with wood! Horror.
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