2010 – June 2 (Unreliable when it comes to homework)

  • It really was The Eye of Sauron and not The Anus of Sauron, wasn’t it? You people are sadly unreliable when it comes to homework…
  • Unfollowing everyone because you hit your magical unicorn number is the new, “I got a free blowjob, so I must be awesome!” Fuck off!
  • Canadian Feds can now fine you up to $5000 for copying ‘Alejandro’. Bono’s $12000 sunglasses that help cure AIDS are also in jeopardy. Stop!
  • If anything good comes out of the Gulf oil spill at all, it will be that it taught us to the hate oil companies… Well, more than before.
  • Guys, if she is withholding sex, start pretending to listen and care when she talks. That’ll show her!
  • The guys want me to go camping with them up north. I’m not sure. That ‘mutual masturbation to keep bears away’ sounds too unhygienic to me.
  • I checked out my tweets on an iPad at the store. “Enhanced Web experience” my ass!
  • ‘Replenishing my electrolytes’ does sound classier and healthier than ‘drinking beer’. I feel better already.
  • Cunninglus is a real word and not a pseudoscientific theory invented by lobbyist writers. Al Gore himself is a believer now, but too late.
  • Hitler really ruined if for future generations of teenage boys looking for realistic moustache growing options. Okay, for me too. Bastard!
  • This staying awake gig is getting old – I’m off to the couch. Nite’!
  • Yes, I come up with stupid things when drunk… Hey, look: immu rtypingg thhjiss wiiuthh mny penisd! Ok, that hurt but #trythatwithavagina.
  • #IHateFemalesWho… No, I got nothing! Hate is a strong word! Most frustrations can be vented with a loving spanking, or beer, KFC and porn.
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