2010 – June 23 (Feet first in to the bedroom)

  • Sexually active: She is dragging you feet first in to the bedroom. Sexually available: She has passed out in the guest bathroom.
  • Carry on! I’m simply posting this tweet in an attempt to distract all my gorgeous women followers while I unzip my pants.
  • “Backrub!” Conan O’Brien, you bastard! You stole my big hair and compulsive hand clapping – don’t you dare take “backrub!” away from me too!
  • I have never seriously tried whoring myself out on Twitter before… It’s actually quite exciting! Sure beats FarmVille on Facebook.
  • Okay, who is the lucky backrub winner? Realize, I have been married for 14 years (know-how). I also haven’t trimmed my nails in 3 weeks!
  • I think I need to start offering free backrubs for the 30th star on a tweet. It’s that or try to be 3.333% funnier… Okay, backrubs it is!
  • Goooaaaaalololololol! Nah, I don’t care either.
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