2010 – June 25 (Back to star the jiffers out of you)

  • Backrub! It’s all I have in me. I’ll be back to star the jiffers out of you tomorrow. My wife has ordered me to bed – doctor’s orders. Yay!
  • I hate it when I’m drunk at a bar but smart enough not to speak and simply point to my groin, and I still get turned down. Stuck up bitches!
  • How to pick up women at Walmart: “That is one hot-ass garden gnome! I have Velveeta cheese… What are you doing tonight?”
  • There would be fewer daddies if during sex, the turnip yelled “Your life is changing in T-minus 3 seconds!” instead of “Go, big guy, go!”
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