2010 – June 7 (Wait for iPhone 6)

  • I will wait for iPhone 6 because with some luck, it will run Android.
  • Tip! You never want to be “the dude at the end of the bar who once had sex with an orangutan.” Trust me on this – chicks hate it.
  • If I can get her to scream, “Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! Jesuuus!”, and she’s an atheist – she will do my laundry when asked, right?
  • The neighbour is having a garage sale. There’s a market for used breast pumps? $20? Really? Got it for $3! Trying it now – it’s aaaaawesome!
  • When she buys a box of whine, it’s to “relax” but when I buy one, it’s to “get her drunk so that I can have my way with her on the couch.”
  • I’ll spell out the golf travel brochure your husband brought home: ‘A rich cultural heritage’ translates to ‘cheap hookers’. You’re welcome!
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