2010 – March 11 (B-list strippers)

  • B-list strippers: Chelsea Cheese, Zula Zamboni, Pamela Pampers, Molly Moles, Sally Stains, Melinda McMuffin, and Debbie Dumpster.
  • My wife should tidy on the go; this way it ends up being more a hobby than a tiresome chore at the end of the day, and I get laid more.
  • Considering that my wife is stone cold sober tonight, I would think the odds of me getting laid is at par with finding a zit on Tom Cruise.
  • Right now: Barbequing two beer can eagles for supper.
  • My 4-year-old won’t eat if you mention that he’s being served chicken. Curiously enough, “owl”, “eagle” and even “hedgehog” is fine.
  • I don’t know about all this Web sex stuff… I’m more of a traditionalist: Going after it when my wife has polished off a box of wine.
  • Mixed emotions: A neighbour confessing it has been over a month since he last felt the urge to have sexual relations with your lawn chairs.
  • Ok, I’m giving up! What is “Lent”?
  • Marriage tip: The best place to hide stuff from your wife is in the box in the basement that contains all your old Heavy Metal albums.
  • The g-spot: 2 to 3 inches inside the vagina. The clitoris: right there… Yes, on a human female! These pre-k sex ed. pamphlets are awesome!
  • Had Frodo Baggins ever met Frida Gaggins, the ring would never have ended up in Mount Doom.
  • You really need to cut back on the Doritos when you start referring to Rosie O’Donnell as “The skinny bitch”
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