2010 – March 12 (You are over-reacting)

  • When your wife calls her mother a fucking bitch… Wrong reply: Totally! Wrong reply: Nah, you are over-reacting! Correct reply: Look, cake!
  • Note to self: March 14 is the St. Patrick’s Day parade, not the Gay Pride parade… Safe to wear my leather thong and the green ball gag.
  • Dr. Phil teaching wives how to get their husbands to pick up after themselves is a sick and perverted betrayal, in my most humble opinion.
  • I prefer women over men because there are simply more giblets to explore on a woman, and the keepers also bake.
  • I have this sad erotic dream where Charlize Theron runs over my dog and says “I’m sooo sorry! Is there anything I can do? Anything!” Well…
  • I think she loves me as she keeps bringing home beer, and still does my laundry! No nagging either, she just sits in a corner and cries…
  • ‘I don’t shop for dried flowers, bowls and towels, bitch!’ is what I was thinking… Later, shopping for dried flowers, bowls and towels.
  • Reportedly, Tiger Woods is working hard in sex rehab, and now almost has full control of his schwing.
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