- I can lick the paint off a Ferrari, but I think my woman decided to marry me because I’m a great cook and I’m good at reaching for stuff.
- I love handcuffs and nipple play like the best of us, but in the back of a police car, with the local hobo? Not so much…
- Life would be so boring if you always had to say and do the right thing, and shower every week.
- Two points @DalaiLama – (1) It’s spelled lHama… (2) If Conan O’Brien can randomly follow someone, so can you. Do it – it’s good karma!
- Ok, lost 4 followers… First Jesus and now conjoined twins! Twitter is turning in to Facebook. I have an idea: Let’s all follow @DalaiLama.
- It sucks when you spend all kinds of money on a new rocking chair and all she wants to do is to plant her ass down on the mailman.
- What they are ‘really’ saying: “After 18 hours of surgery we were able to save the cuter one of the conjoined twins.”
- Beef jerky, tequila and romantic serenades arranged for the tuba. We’ll see if that works on her… Wearing her mom’s pantyhose sure didn’t.
- The older you get, the nicer you have to be to get a spanking.
- Precious-1900 Love-1910 Dear-1920 Honey-1930 Strumpet-1940 Floosie-1950 Tart-1960 Bimbo-1970 Cow-1980 Bitch-1990 Hoe-2000 Ho-2010…
- Once you reach pervert nirvana, you can unscramble horrific pay-per view cable broadcasts, using only your mind.
- Ok, back to regular programming… White socks are for guys that are virgins or don’t know any better.
- Sorry, I’m new to Twitter, but from what I understand – Saturday is dump the people who didn’t give a fuck day. Am I wrong?
