- Tip! Never, ever, run naked through a dense forest if you have nipple piercings.
- In an analog world, you people would make for some really freaky pen pals.
- In truth, one of the reasons why I married my wife is because she parallel parks the lawnmower like a pro.
- This morning, I kicked what I thought was a raccoon, sitting in the backyard. It turns out it was just a Goth kid with yellow teeth.
- Cool: juggling! Not cool: Being electrocuted and having an involuntary bowel movement, when brewing coffee for your dinner guests.
- I like my women the way I like my coffee: available at all times.
- A ‘romantic cruise’… “Listen, babe, if you want me to be sick before, during and after sex – I’ll just drink some Southern Comfort.”
