2010 – March 20 (I think I’m possessed by demons)

  • Telling my wife “I think I’m possessed by demons” would be so much easier than “I just shit myself because of Belgian monastery beer”.
  • This prison rape thing is confusing to me: Are you supposed to make a sign when you are ready? How do you get in to the women’s showers?
  • The CFL is better than the NFL, because Canadian cheerleaders provide lap dances in their trailer parks after the game.
  • After crunching the numbers, it’s clear that less thongs were held together with duct tape and barbed wire a decade ago.
  • @ConanOBrien, your Bieber tweets are so 0:35 ET… Post a picture of JB licking your back or stop! That pony was beaten to death eons ago.
  • When I buy you a drink at the bar, I don’t expect sex… I’m married! However, a sympathy flashing of boobs is always appreciated.
  • TYUFGHJVBN <- That’s the damage the top of my penis does to a computer keyboard. Tapping it on an iPhone makes it reset to factory settings.
  • Only a real man dares take off his football helmet before bringing a face-biting woman to an orgasm. Yes, Seal is all man…
  • I hate it when I wake up screaming about nasty zombie sex, especially at ballet recitals.
  • The perfect woman: She has extra joints, which enables her to bend in ungodly ways, making the daily make up sex out of this world.
  • Show her how to eat shark fin soup without dribbling down the chin. (Good) Show her how you can fit eight bread rolls in your mouth. (Bad)
This entry was posted in Tweets. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

* Copy This Password *

* Type Or Paste Password Here *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>