2010 – March 21 (People of Kentucky)

  • People of Kentucky! Don’t forget: Sheep Illustrated – Shearing Edition is hitting selected newsstands on Monday.
  • The worst part about having a vasectomy? Having an 89-year-old East German nurse squeeze a nut long after the freezing wears off.
  • I would go to the gym if everything and everyone didn’t smell like a 3-day-old Sausage & Egg McMuffin.
  • Canadiana: Scare the shit out of a moose. Place shit it in a brown paper bag and set it on fire, and wait for other moose to come around…
  • Sunday morning is great for jerking off in the shower because God is busy watching people moan and bitch on church pews.
  • This whole thing about trying to keep your eyes open is getting old… I’m off to the couch. Stay safe and un-pregnant!
  • 683 folks want my friendship on Facebook. 75% live in a 20-block radius! Walk over and ask. The answer is – no! My wife only does our lawn.
  • Wow! I got an “@” from an ‘alcoholics bot’! Didn’t know those existed… It didn’t auto-follow though, so I think I’m still okay! Cheers!
  • Penile fracture – I wish!
  • Goofy thing… The cracker kids think they are making @justinbieber a favour… Instead, ‘Bieber’ is now slang for ‘Vaginal Herpes’ RT!
  • You know you are an alcoholic when you are dipping pieces of week-old McMuffin crust in to your beer stein.
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