- People of Kentucky! Don’t forget: Sheep Illustrated – Shearing Edition is hitting selected newsstands on Monday.
- The worst part about having a vasectomy? Having an 89-year-old East German nurse squeeze a nut long after the freezing wears off.
- I would go to the gym if everything and everyone didn’t smell like a 3-day-old Sausage & Egg McMuffin.
- Canadiana: Scare the shit out of a moose. Place shit it in a brown paper bag and set it on fire, and wait for other moose to come around…
- Sunday morning is great for jerking off in the shower because God is busy watching people moan and bitch on church pews.
- This whole thing about trying to keep your eyes open is getting old… I’m off to the couch. Stay safe and un-pregnant!
- 683 folks want my friendship on Facebook. 75% live in a 20-block radius! Walk over and ask. The answer is – no! My wife only does our lawn.
- Wow! I got an “@” from an ‘alcoholics bot’! Didn’t know those existed… It didn’t auto-follow though, so I think I’m still okay! Cheers!
- Penile fracture – I wish!
- Goofy thing… The cracker kids think they are making @justinbieber a favour… Instead, ‘Bieber’ is now slang for ‘Vaginal Herpes’ RT!
- You know you are an alcoholic when you are dipping pieces of week-old McMuffin crust in to your beer stein.
