2010 – March 23 (My wife’s fine motor skills are exceptional)

  • My wife’s fine motor skills are exceptional, and she multi-tasks. She can paint her toenails and drive, but ironing and a blowjob? Nooooo…
  • “What happened?” Me: Cut myself. “On a knife?” Me: Yes. “Where does it hurt?” Me: What? “Where?” Me: On the fingertip in my pocket *sigh*…
  • Whenever I cut myself on my big-ass chef’s knife – pretty polka dots!
  • Madonna’s new clothing line, ‘Material Girl’, will future a new revolutionary sizing system: Slut, Sluttier, and Extra Slutty.
  • Hookers are happy to see you: You have a big wallet or a small penis.
  • There are no excuses! You know she is jailbait when she makes an average-sized chicken breast look plump.
  • You have a Dyson Root Cycle 8 vacuum cleaner? In theory, how would one retrieve, say a cock ring, from that transparent spinning thing?
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