2010 – March 7 (Get over yourself)

  • Oscars: The time of year when God goes “Get over yourself; I had nothing to do with that shit!”
  • When I was a young laddie, women who had their time of the month were sent to a shack in the woods. What happened to this nice tradition?
  • Oscars prediction: A d-list actress will throw up in a punch bowl and contract herpes from a wannabe producer. You can take it to the bank!
  • I think I would have a great time at the Oscars with the Baldwin brothers, an axe and a wood chipper.
  • I have figured it out! The secret is to carefully unclench and let the bowling ball slowly sliiiiide out.
  • It’s ok, Lindsey Lohan, starfish don’t need brains either.
  • I’m in a giddy Oscar mood! It’s the best night of the year: My wife goes over to a friend’s house – I get naked in front of the computer.
  • Just in: Ben Affleck and Elijah Wood is the same person!
  • Utter stupidity scares me more than kicking a Grizzly Bear in the nuts.
  • You know you are going to end up in the news when you bend down to pick up your underwear and see My Little Pony toys stored under her bed.
  • ‘The koala washing and grooming champion of Queensland, Australia’ is a title I could live without.
  • Nothing worse than discovering your wife’s teeth mark on the mailman’s penis…
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