2010 – May 14 (My Favstar 99-star tweet)

  • My Favstar 99-star tweet: Who do I need to finger? Yes, it involves necrophilia, golden showers, felching and beastiality… No pressure!
  • “A little less conversation, a little more suction, please” is what I was thinking. Instead, “You’re tired; have a nap.” WTF just happened?”
  • Don’t let your kid play with soap and bubbles at home, especially when he pronounces ‘bubbles’ as ‘buttholes’ Trust me! It’s not worth it.
  • Dudes, by a show of hands: How many of you have stood at a urinal, sneezed, and peed all over your shoes? Yeah, no, me neither.
  • Seeing how it all played out, it would have been wiser to teach my 4-year-old how to tie his shoelaces than juggle with steak knives.
  • I wore mascara all day and my wife didn’t notice until I started crying while during the dishes.
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