- Life just handed me a Chilean Sea Bass, yes, the fish – not your mother-in-law. It will be grilled and enjoyed with lemons and capers. Nom.
- Lesson learned the really hard way: Even a 5-year-old can take a slap shot that hurts if the ball hits you right in the Eyjafjallajökull.
- Guys, don’t you hate it when rabid PETA people throw red paint on you, so you have to go home and shave your back again?
- My dog is very intelligent. Instead of begging for food, he make me feel guilty by licking his non-existing balls.
- Every morning I secretly rub my daughter’s clothes with anchovies and still boys ask her out. Oooh… Where do you buy moose sweat?
