2010 – May 2 (Wrote that from scratch)

  • Björk Guðmundsdóttir « I don’t know why but I wrote that from scratch, bitches!
  • Oy! I might even have starred some Conan tweets last night because Favstar is demanding that I hand over my mouse and sticker book.
  • If you have received a prepubescent sounding poem in the last 12 hours, I am very sorry. My account was hacked by Belgian monastery beers.
  • Hangovers before Twitter used to be easier – shower, bacon and a beer. Now – apologize for dirty DMs, delete drunken tweets and beer.
  • Drunken tweeting is not working for me at all… Mention Jesus = I need my soul saved. Now Dalai Lama = I need more cowbell. Hell? Hello!
  • Fine then, my male appendage is more like a Raggedy Ann cygnet in the morning – but still - very pissed off.
  • Related: Wood-like! No, I think I completely botched that tweet.
  • Sheeesh… The Sunday morning crowd is tough. I’m sharing secrets about “the swan” and nobody cares. It’s like you have real lives and all!
  • It’s awkward for me to use the term ‘cock’ to describe my appendage, because it looks and sounds more like a pissed off swan each morning.
  • Tip! Freemason’s and secret handshakes: Use limp handshakes and rub wrists with your thumb; cup balls with your left hand – free drinks!
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