2010 – May 2 (Wrote that from scratch)
- Björk Guðmundsdóttir « I don’t know why but I wrote that from scratch, bitches!
- Oy! I might even have starred some Conan tweets last night because Favstar is demanding that I hand over my mouse and sticker book.
- If you have received a prepubescent sounding poem in the last 12 hours, I am very sorry. My account was hacked by Belgian monastery beers.
- Hangovers before Twitter used to be easier – shower, bacon and a beer. Now – apologize for dirty DMs, delete drunken tweets and beer.
- Drunken tweeting is not working for me at all… Mention Jesus = I need my soul saved. Now Dalai Lama = I need more cowbell. Hell? Hello!
- Fine then, my male appendage is more like a Raggedy Ann cygnet in the morning – but still - very pissed off.
- Related: Wood-like! No, I think I completely botched that tweet.
- Sheeesh… The Sunday morning crowd is tough. I’m sharing secrets about “the swan” and nobody cares. It’s like you have real lives and all!
- It’s awkward for me to use the term ‘cock’ to describe my appendage, because it looks and sounds more like a pissed off swan each morning.
- Tip! Freemason’s and secret handshakes: Use limp handshakes and rub wrists with your thumb; cup balls with your left hand – free drinks!
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