- Holy crap Twitter is slow tonight! Is Facebook having a free Denny’s muffin raffle or something?
- Mall elevators in Canada are now playing both Bryan Adams AND Nickelback. Yeah, sorry, U.S., it’s coming… Europe – fire up your lighters!
- If you show up at my house after 10pm offering gardening and weed services, you better bring a sample baggy or there will be neck wounds.
- Tweetup in Montreal, tomorrow afternoon, at my house – must bring own lawnmower. I will supply beer, Frankincense and Myrrh. DM me.
- It was today that I realized that to raise kids, you need mutual respect. I let them sleep here – they don’t touch my dill chips! Simple.
- Ok, so “bum sex” is not like paying two hobos living in a bus shelter to go at it? Another Canada – U.S. cultural difference.
- People, I was stung by my first bee today! It wasn’t so bad once I cried, downed a bottle of Tequila and the cops coaxed me off the roof.
- Apparently, labia majora is not the upper bone of a dog’s hind leg. Once I figured that out, the veterinarian stopped tasering me.
- What is the etiquette when you have a tweetup between a dog, a butterfly and one of Conan O’Brien’s body parts? Who pays for the drinks?
