- Talked to my wife about a nice tuna steak dinner, scallops, wine… Next thing I know, I have “volunteered” to coach soccer. How the fu..?
- Alec Baldwin is standing on the street outside our house! No, wait a minute… Sorry, it was just an idling wood chipper.
- I’m not afraid of dying alone… Dying and having to get up to dry another school project covered in glitter glue scares the hell out of me.
- Right now, in this minute, I could pick up the phone and order a 30-inch bacon pizza. The power! Oh, the sweeeeet Tom Cruise-like power!
